Ipswich Unemployed Action.

Campaigning for Unemployed Rights.

Cordelia Gummer Speaks: Coatesy Has Gone Abuja.

with 58 comments

This is a guest post from well-respected Cordeila Gummer (her with the heart).

Cordellia is well known in radical unemployed circles for her tireless work in support of out-of-work nannies with Bovine spongiform encephalopathy.

Ipswich Unemployed Action is proud to announce that former ring-leader Komrade Koates is now a leading Viagra selling-distributor in our Abuja  Branch.

All future correspondence should be addressed to the following E-Mail:

fuckoffnuuters@Hotmail.com.

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Written by Andrew Coates

August 24, 2010 at 9:15 am

58 Responses

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  1. Mad cow disease had no effect on mooooooooooooooooo. Sorry, I mean me!

    Funny A4e Photos

    August 24, 2010 at 6:40 pm

  2. Cow and a Sheep in a field

    The cow says: “Mooooooooooooooooove over”

    The sheep says: “Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarlocks”

    Lowestoft's Finest

    August 24, 2010 at 7:33 pm

  3. George Osborne’s Budget is ‘clearly regressive’, says IFS, in first study of new budget measures. Poor will pay more in cash terms…

    Breaking News

    August 24, 2010 at 11:10 pm

  4. Two cows in a field. One says to the other ‘Why are you wearing a bell around your neck’?. The other replies ‘ My horns don’t work’. The other replies ‘Pull The Udder One’.

    The Mad Cow

    August 25, 2010 at 8:10 am

    • Anymore cow jokes?

      Flexible New Deal

      August 25, 2010 at 9:06 am

      • I just found these comments on the AOL comments board board relating to cutting fuel payments for OAP’s by someone calling themselves “Novakengood”(which sounds like it ought to be in the old country near Novgorod?) I found them quite a hoot, there is a bit on cows as well.

        Novakengood said…

        Let’s put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.
        They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
        Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
        They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
        They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.
        Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ’s and legal aid would be free, on request.
        Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ’s and legal aid would be free, on request.
        Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
        Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
        There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

        The “criminals” would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
        Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.
        Live in a tiny room and pay £900.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
        Justice for all we say.

        AND…
        ————————————————————————
        COWS
        Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a
        single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire?
        And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.
        But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
        ————————————————————————

        THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION

        They kept talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq …

        Why didn’t we just give them ours? It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we’re not using it anymore.

        ————————————————————————

        THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

        The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this –

        You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’, ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ….. It creates a hostile work environment.

        Lowestoft's Finest

        August 25, 2010 at 11:58 am

      • That is real wit.

        Keep ’em coming: it’s still August and Autumn is not here yet.

        Mind you given the rain we’ve had in Suffolk over the last few days who’d know…

        Andrew Coates

        August 25, 2010 at 12:34 pm

      • How do you transport a cow from one field to the other. Call Pickfords.. The MOOOOOVERS

        Mad Cow

        August 25, 2010 at 12:25 pm

      • Jokes aside, the top one is a good idea lol

        Flexible New Deal

        August 26, 2010 at 10:46 am

      • How does a farmer get his cattle from 1 field to another.

        Call pickfords the moooooovers

        Philip

        August 26, 2010 at 10:50 am

  5. Just when I thought it was impossible to cram anymore arrogant, middle class, inept soliciters into one political party eg. Blair, Hoone, Straw, Harmen , MacShane etc.

    Yet another one comes along

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-11027669

    Lowestoft's Finest

    August 25, 2010 at 10:29 am

    • You forgot me… we’re doomed… we’re doomed 🙂

      Alistair Darling QC

      August 25, 2010 at 11:05 am

    • Don’t you mean Soliciturds?

      Paper Clip

      August 25, 2010 at 7:44 pm

  6. mad cow mrs thatcher springs to mind.

    ken

    August 25, 2010 at 10:45 am

    • lol ken, heard there is going to be a National Celebration when that old cunt kicks the bucket 🙂

      Kick the Tories Out

      August 25, 2010 at 10:57 am

      • That’s why their pulling the troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan there going to be needed to guard Thatcher’s grave…acts of wantent destruction against the Blue Peter Garden will have nothing on this.

        Forget JFK its going to be what were you doing were you when you heard about Thatcher’s Death?

        ( Carelessly cleaning my new hunting rifle at the window of the Finchley Book Depositry at the same time a collegue carelessly cleaned his on the grassy knoll).

        Lowestoft's Finest

        August 25, 2010 at 11:05 am

  7. Well for all you poultry lovers out there here is an egg joke.
    Two eggs in the fridge having a conversation. 1 says to the other,
    ‘I hope the housewife comes home soon’. I hear she is going to give us a nice warm bath, dab us dry and sit us in tiny seaats that are our shape. A voice comes from out side the fridge ‘You think you got it lucky mate’ ‘she just bashed me on the head with a spoon’.

    Mad Cow

    August 25, 2010 at 12:44 pm

  8. Don’t know why… but cows always remind me of that harrowing scene in Come and See – recommended by Lowestoft’s Finest. A must see film!

    Daisy the Cow

    August 25, 2010 at 12:45 pm

  9. Just heard one of my neighbours complain that TNG have told her she must be tested for alcohol abuse. She is a young woman and does not drink. She refuses to go back till they apologise

    Philip

    August 25, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    • That is bang out of order, Philip. But we all know the reason for it. Fuck TNG and all the other welfare to work parasites.

      Phil Mitchell

      August 25, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    • How do on earth do they test someone for alcahol Abuse? Breathalise them each time they come in ? or maybe leave them in front of an unlocked drinks cabinet and make an excuse to go out of the room?

      Lowestoft's Finest

      August 25, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    • A breath test (blood sample) measures the blood alcohol count. To check for actual alcohol abuse one would need to check actual liver function which involves a battery of blood/urine/stool samples. Reading this chilled me to the bone; to think that someone is being put through this indignity and humiliation in order to claim benefit entitlement is shocking beyond belief. What next? Mandatory operations?

      Dr Hawley Crippen

      August 25, 2010 at 2:12 pm

      • Maybe their mothers never told them not to take the p*ss out of people less fortunate then themselves?

        Blimmey if this is correct thing’s have now gone way over the top,and we will soon be entering Nazi Eugentics territory and forcably steralizing the poor.

        In “Post Blair Only Rights for Religious Nutters Britain” could the girl in question claim to be a Jeehovas Witness and get out of blood tests like that as I don’t think they are aloud to give blood? as well as recieve it.

        Lowestoft's Finest

        August 25, 2010 at 2:30 pm

      • dr crippen is right, if you want to find out if someone is drunk you can buy a breath meter in the poundshop for a… dunno… pound. alcohol abuse is something different.

        les corbett jones

        August 25, 2010 at 2:52 pm

      • The Nazi eugenics agenda is alive and well:

        http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00tgf14

        Edward Stourton chairs a debate in which Professor David Marsland defends his view that the mentally and morally unfit should be sterilised. Professor David Marsland is Emeritus Scholar of Sociology and Health Sciences at Brunel University, London and Professorial Research Fellow in Sociology at the University of Buckingham. He argues that the only way to prevent the abuse and neglect of children whose parents are incapable of looking after them is to stop them from being born in the first place. It should be open to police and social workers to recommend that drug addicts, alcoholics and the mentally disabled should be irreversibly sterilised – and the courts should be able to enforce this. Challenging his views will be three expert witnesses including a senior social worker, a drugs charity lawyer and a moral philosopher.

        You can see where this is going.

        Dr Mengele

        August 26, 2010 at 7:12 am

      • Just to underline:

        “the mentally and morally unfit should be sterilised” – and that means the poor”.

        The day is not far off when A4e And the like in conjunction with Social Services and the Police will be moving in the the “morally and mentally unfit” to implement this policy. The propaganda war is in full swing.

        Dr Mengele

        August 26, 2010 at 7:17 am

    • Philip: This is just another example of almost unaccountable private companies intruding into out lives. Hope she sticks by her guns and get an apology from TNG.

      Funny A4e Photos

      August 25, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    • What TNG office?

      Flexible New Deal

      August 26, 2010 at 10:49 am

  10. Person involved is addemant that they will not got to TNG. She has said TNG can go **** up. She knows what could happen, but says her parents have said she can live with them if she has too. It seems that human-rights{?} for the poor and unemployed do not exist. Do we have any rights under the European Human Rights Legislation to refuse the requests of the likes of TNG/RIP/YMCA Training ?. Any advise from friendly lawyers out there would be appreciated
    Thanks on behalf of all posters and bloggers

    Philip

    August 25, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    • Surely across the board alcahol tests will be offensive to Muslims who arn’t allowed to drink? And for the odd one that does on the sly what’s going to happen there when the tests come back positive?

      Lowestoft's Finest

      August 25, 2010 at 3:42 pm

      • 500 lashes.

        Ayatollah Khomeini

        August 25, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    • European Human Rights means fuck all… really…

      Some people think there is a few who try to brainwash us with a phrase but really, Human Rights is mainly for criminals.

      Human Rights can only be enforced via courts (i.e. doesn’t prevent them being infringed) either in the UK (who for example, welfare and housing can be biased against it) and ECHR which is almost just as corrupt.

      In addition these overrule the UN Declaration of HR… these only seem partly important outside the EU. After all the ECHR was heavily influenced by the UN version. Most ECHR is sketchy… and the problem with this the courts had to define it. Some judge then got the right to define what it mean (perhaps even wrongly) and this now becomes case law for all future cases.

      Human Rights in principle is a good idea but everyone indeed is equal however, it seems those in jail (criminals), the unemployed, the high society and then everyone else have different rules.

      The Unemployment one is significant. Somehow the nature of not having a job erodes away your Human Rights. You are not exactly highly respected when you don’t even have a job but how come these Human Rights disappear for you than others?

      Benefit Sanctions are unlawful but as you are receiving handouts it seems a “fair deal” to be mistreated on New Deal courses and in some cases abused… this then extends to an unfair society… we already know that the wealthy and politicians are not under the same rules as everyone else, then there is the top professionals like doctors, judges, police officers etc. all these Human Rights are absolute bullshit.

      Many people here will be aware of Article 4 (I think) on servitude and how “civil obligations” seem to be the loophole for workfare.

      Also, there are parts in regards to preventing killing and death penalties, however, these are only peacetime restrictions.

      For some reason as soon as a nation declare war (same France and Italy for example) all the people lose their Human Rights. WTF?

      How can the state killing someone be against human rights where war is not? Something corrupt and not right there… Whether or not such acts became “illegal” but ignored by the Governments is their option similar to the “illegal war” (international) however moving the goal posts on technicalities seems a little at fault to me.

      (So to answer your question… No. You do not. Also most of these big Human Right cases are not based on merits of individual cases but the reputation of and ability of the people and firms who represent such cases.)

      Flexible New Deal

      August 25, 2010 at 4:24 pm

      • Spot on Flexi, I was just listening to Denis MacShane (from my earlier list of arrogant, middle class, inept soliciters) who has just cropped up on the Radio this evening after swearing at and then reducing to tears (a girl his daughters age) from the MP’s expence watchdog, anyway Denis the W*nkers W*nker MacShane now thinks that its him that’s been hard done by not her by the watchdog releasing a record of events to the public under a FOI request.

        Well he was big enough to do it at the time, How come rights only apply to W*nkers like MacShane and people who can buy them in this country, never people who get theirs trampled into the dirt on a daily basis like Forced New Deal Labourers?

        Lowestoft's Finest

        August 25, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    • You have to be determined not to give in like Sean Young.

      Funny A4e Photos

      August 25, 2010 at 4:28 pm

      • Sean Young is like a Martyr to the Cause, we need more Shaun Young’s and less apologists for the dwp/providers. You must NEVER roll over and die, because once you do it’s Game Over. DON’T LET THE BASTARDS GRIND YOU DOWN!!

        This is a MUST LISTEN:

        http://www.lifeinthemixtalk.com/?cat=6103

        Life In the Mix

        August 25, 2010 at 4:53 pm

      • Hats off to Sean Young he’s a real hero and more of a man than I’ll ever be.

        Is there any chance of getting some big guns like Radio 4’s Law in Action or The Report interested in his case as I bet they would tear a strip and a half off the organisations involved.

        Lowestoft's Finest

        August 25, 2010 at 5:01 pm

  11. We’ll be singing
    When we’re winning
    We’ll be singing

    I get knocked down
    But I get up again
    You’re never going to keep me down

    I get knocked down
    But I get up again
    You’re never going to keep me down

    Pissing the night away
    Pissing the night away

    He drinks a whisky drink
    He drinks a vodka drink
    He drinks a lager drink
    He drinks a cider drink
    He sings the songs that remind him
    Of the good times
    He sings the songs that remind him
    Of the better times

    “Oh Danny Boy
    Danny Boy
    Danny Boy…”

    I get knocked down
    But I get up again
    You’re never going to keep me down

    I get knocked down
    But I get up again
    You’re never going to keep me down

    Pissing the night away
    Pissing the night away

    He drinks a whisky drink
    He drinks a vodka drink
    He drinks a lager drink
    He drinks a cider drink
    He sings the songs that remind him
    Of the good times
    He sings the songs that remind him
    Of the better times

    “Don’t cry for me
    Next door neighbour…”

    I get knocked down
    But I get up again
    You’re never going to keep me down

    I get knocked down
    But I get up again
    You’re never going to keep me down

    We’ll be singing
    When we’re winning
    We’ll be singing

    Chumbawamba

    August 25, 2010 at 7:02 pm

  12. There was a realy good program on radio 4 yesterday, Thinking Aloud with Laurie Taylor in which they discussed Marx’s theory of alienation and weather it was still relevant.

    Perhaps it depends on what place in society you inhabit but it certainly rings a bell with me especialy the bit about bosses always trying to de-skill jobs to undermine workers power/wages. Forget Adam Smith after experiance of the British 21st century workplace I now think the Capitalists have been reading Marx (unfortunatly for all the wrong reasons).

    Lowestoft's Finest

    August 26, 2010 at 10:59 am

    • This is worth looking at as well:

      Or this:

      Andrew Coates

      August 27, 2010 at 9:16 am

  13. “Doomed is the man who builds his house by injustice
    and enlarges it by dishonesty;
    who makes his countrymen work for nothing
    and does not pay their wages.”

    Jeremiah 22.13

    Jeremiah

    August 26, 2010 at 11:33 am

    • Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”

      Galatians 6:7

      Life plays some queer tricks, but one of them isn’t letting us away with it.

      Galatians

      August 26, 2010 at 11:52 am

      • hayley taylor has just been run over by a bus :-)… don’t worry – the bus is on the mend lol 🙂

        pete

        August 26, 2010 at 12:17 pm

      • 3 law of the Ferengi.

        Do it to the before they do it to you

        Quark

        August 31, 2010 at 9:12 am

    • Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a (wo)man soweth, that shall s/he also reap.”

      Galatians 6:7 KJV

      Life plays some queer tricks, but one of them isn’t letting us get away with it.

      Galations

      August 26, 2010 at 11:55 am

    • Sounds like a description of Emma Harrison’s A4e Mission statement.

      Lowestoft's Finest

      August 26, 2010 at 1:11 pm

  14. nice weather in Lowestoft

    abu

    August 26, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    • Far too wet to go play outside with our knives and drugs.

      Lowestoft's Finest

      August 26, 2010 at 7:50 pm

      • At least my mate ‘reggie-boy’ got off his ‘voluntary’ work today because of the constant drizzle.

        Andrew Coates

        August 27, 2010 at 9:20 am

  15. They Don’t Like It Up Em
    They Don’t Like It Up Em

    We are all doomed I say dooomed

    Dads Army Says

    August 27, 2010 at 9:17 am

  16. Emma Harrison was in panto as an ugly sister [Playing Herself]. When the time came for the handsome prince to kiss her [poor bugger] he got turned into a frog.

    Funny ha ha

    August 27, 2010 at 12:06 pm

  17. Have a look at this comment I found on the AOL Comments boards on the subject of the jobless figures are officialy down (incidently not one person commenting believed the news)

    anne said…
    I worked for the benefits office for five years, dealing with claimants who were on “training for work”. At one stage we were told by our manager to ask our training for work claimants, when they came in to sign on, if they had been unwell in the last couple of weeks – for instance, had they had a cold or a cough? If they said yes we were told to change their details to PWD – person with disability! This went on for months – hundreds of people were officially labelled disabled just because they’d had a cold! I don’t know why it was done but it could only have been to get the numbers of PWDs on training up, or the numbers on unemployed down. The statistics are manipulated routinely and are meaningless.

    Lowestoft's Finest

    August 29, 2010 at 8:54 am

  18. This is crafty, been advertised in JC Plus no less this “vacancy”.

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2683381

    I have used Computers every day of my life i have seen scams done to others and i have been employed to stop scams, yet this email (Job offer) seems to dodgey to comprehend.

    The worst part being i cant see where they could be scamming me, something just isn`t right.

    Datatec UK

    Dear Bryn

    Here is a further update in respect of your application.

    You have sent us your CV and applied for the position of E-Marketing Representative. This is a Home Based role, with a basic Salary of
    £20-25,000 pa + Commission with an OTE of £40,000 pa.

    We are currently reviewing all applications and are pleased to offer you the opportunity of progressing to the next stage, therefore please read the following instructions carefully and complete these within the time scale we have allocated.

    Our company is growing rapidly and we will shortly be introducing a number of new Digital Products and Services to our existing portfolio which will make us a market leader in our industry so there has never been a better or more exciting time to join us.

    We have been advertising on a National basis and have a substantial number of vacancies that we would like to fill as quickly as possible. We have both Full Time and Part Time vacancies available.

    To help us in the selection process you will need to complete the following exercise as quickly and efficiently as possible. During this process we will be observing a number of factors that are key to you becoming a successful E-Marketing Representative and we stress therefore that it is important to your application that you complete everything thoroughly and as quickly as possible and no later than the cut off date which we will provide you.

    You will find the exercise we have set you both interesting and fun and it is based around a new and revolutionary FREE download available to both the general public and business’s alike, which was launched into the UK & Ireland by our parent company,
    Momentum-Group just a few weeks ago. You need to do the following:

    1) Go to the following link *{Website that im not allowed to post}*
    2) We recommend you watch all of the Video’s on this page
    3) Complete your First & Second name in the registration box together with your email address and send (we will be notified when you have done this)
    4) You will get a confirmation email confirming your registration which will also provide the download link, click on this and
    5) This will take you to the download page – download the FREE application (again we will be notified when you have done this)
    6) Once you have downloaded the application, thoroughly familiarise yourself with it – this is important.
    7) Once you are happy that you understand how it works please answer the following questions:

    (a) How do you set the Genie so that it knows where you are?
    (b) What are the key features of this FREE download?
    (c) What would be a key benefit to an individual using this download?
    (d) What would be a key benefit to a business using this download?
    (e) How would you market this product if you were on a fairly tight budget?

    This should not take you very long to complete but do consider your answers carefully and reply to us by email. Your target time and date is 6.00pm this Thursday 26th August or sooner but absolutely no later than 6.00pm on the 31st August 2010.

    Once we have received your responses we will be short listing for interview so you should here back from us by the end of next week.

    Many thanks for your continued interest in our company and these exciting positions.

    Kind Regards

    Recruitment Support Team

    Datatec Group

    DatatecUK
    Market House
    2 Marlborough Road
    SWINDON
    SN3 1QY
    UK
    t. +44 (0)1367 709385 f. +44 (0)1793 300 215

    DatatecUSA
    Suite 901
    315 Madison Avenue
    NEW YORK
    NY10017
    USA
    t. +1 646 797 3101 f. +1 914 462 3473

    I felt like a detective cat, so i did some digging around.

    I started from the VAT number, which i was quite suripised to be registered to a DOUGLAS GRAY with his company DATATEC – DATA UK.

    It turns out that Douglas used to be a surveyor and can speak good arabic. (weblink, i am a new user so add http) uk.linkedin.com/pub/douglas-gray/9/65b/7b0. It seems his profile is just a front, as he now lives in new york city, running this business from there.

    He also runs this company (anotherweblink…)Best4USA.com.

    There is only one business called Datatec Ltd, but why would a company not inculde registered details on a website?

    The address is also linked to Elite Cars (Again, add http) elitecarsuk.co.uk.

    Also, this is not very healthy… his company is selling 5,000 email addresses (inculding mine more then likely) for £69. (Add address)business-box.co.uk/order.html)

    This utterly !!!!es me off, as this tosser has my CV and my Uni Email address… think i will think twice about applying for jobs though the job center in the future….

    This is the Shopping Genie “opportunity”. Check it out here: http://www.articlesbase.com/business…f-2238603.html

    If he can get 10,000 people to get that far, then he’s got 10,000 people he’s potentially earning from … and I think the salary must be b0ll0x.

    I’ll stand corrected…. but that’s what my money’s on.

    All those people who installed it and sacked it off, will forget it’s running on their PC and if they buy the right stuff he’ll pocket a few pence per time.

    I’d expect there to be some reason you don’t get the job, but if you reach the end of the process, you’re also on a list of “people who will follow whatever I say …..” – a valuable list.

    Maybe the ‘job’ will be withdrawn and they’ll then be able to convince you to give it away, to earn money.

    It’ll be all about him, anyway, not for your benefit.

    Matin Lewis

    August 30, 2010 at 2:10 pm

  19. Matin Lewis

    Thanks for the heads up,
    I am also concerned that you had to download a specific program of theirs to your computer “So you can divise ways of marketing it” which sounds very plausable for the job.

    Unfortunatly many dodgy companies do more than sell your email adresses, they also sell the use of your computer with your email address by sneaking a shell program onto your computer as part of the download. Chances are they will sell a list of 1000 email adresses all with the shell program to another company who can then chose to activate the infected sleeper computers to send out spam, infect more computers,steal your bank details or infect more computers and then mass log on a website to crash it toextaut money from the websites hosts as part of an online shake down scam.

    Lowestoft's Finest

    August 30, 2010 at 4:11 pm

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